Celebrity

Late Sulli Opens Up in Netflix Documentary: No One Asked 'How Are You?'... I Felt Like I Was Dying

Nov 13, 2023 | by Deborah Kim

Late K-pop star Sulli revealed her deep inner thoughts in a recent Netflix release.

On November 13, Netflix released 'Persona: Sulli', a posthumous work of Sulli. Comprising two parts - the short drama film '4: Clean Island' (written by Kim Ji-hye, directed by Hwang Su-a and Kim Ji-hye) and the feature-length documentary 'To Jinri' (written and directed by Jung Yoon-suk) - the second episode includes an interview with Sulli herself.

In the interview, Sulli expressed, "I always felt trapped somewhere in the word 'pretty' since I was young. Whenever people called me 'pretty', I always wondered why they said that to me, what they were thinking when they said it."

She reminisced, "I felt like I always had to act pretty, and in reality, if I wasn't demure or didn't appear pretty, I would get into trouble. I think that's when my rebellious spirit started."

When asked about what she wanted to do when she was twenty, Sulli mentioned, "There were two things: The first was to receive psychiatric counseling. The second was dating." She added, "It was my first decision on my own. I don't regret it and I was happy. I didn't listen much to what my mother said and did what I wanted."

On the question 'Do you think idols are also workers?', after a deep thought, she affirmed, "Yes." She added, "People don't really think of celebrities as humans. When I started as a celebrity, the most common thing I heard was 'You are a product, and you have to exist as the best and highest quality product for people.'"

She continued, "Even if people didn't say I was a product, everyone treated me like one. I had to move according to their tastes, and I was afraid of my product value falling. I didn't know how to assert myself, whether I could share my thoughts, and speaking up about my struggles wouldn't change anything."

Sulli then shared, "There was no one around me who would say 'Choose for yourself', 'Decide for yourself', 'What do you think?', 'How have you been?' It was just about doing things without thought. It felt like I was going to die from the struggle."

Moreover, "I just kept blaming myself. The only time I could control was when I inflicted pain on myself," she confessed. When the interviewer asked if she ever thought it wasn't her fault, Sulli replied, "I couldn't think that way. When I first spoke up and said 'I'm struggling', it felt like everything collapsed," and she tearfully expressed her sorrow.